Comments on Varsity Dad: OK, This Is a Very Sad One

As the others have said, very sad story. I can't ...

2007-05-25T11:43:00.000-05:00

As the others have said, very sad story. I can't imagine, at all.

To Larry's point about 3 year-olds not caring that much about something like the Stanley Cup, I agree with that and the developmental reasons why. The thing is though, while we expose our children to a wide-variety of things, when they are at that young age they need their parents to put the things they are exposed to in context. This includes the parent's infusing situations and experiences with their own values. These may be moral values, or in keeping with the theme of this blog, something less heavy, like favorite sports teams.

To answer your question, I would say that yes, children at that age are an expression of their parents. That is not sinister, or wrong, it is just where the child is in their development and in their exposure to the world. They need that type of guidance. As they grow and get older, their mind and the way they think and perceive things changes. They start to question their parents and question who they are and who they want to be. Unfortunately for us, they can also be PITA teenagers then. LOL.

Kids come to that stage at different times though. When the parents become a problem is when they don't recognize that and they try to curb their child's interest in other things. That can be damaging.

If a 3 year old's favorite team is the Ottowa Senators simply because that's his parents favorite team, I don't think that is any less valid than if he choose it himself at 10.

Yesterday, TSN (tsn.ca), the sports channel in Can...

2007-05-25T09:44:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, TSN (tsn.ca), the sports channel in Canada, showed two Sensator players were pallbearers. It is indeed a very touching story, which I forwarded to my friends. And some replied with "I wanted to see real men cry."

Having said that, I agree with Larry's post, a 3 years old cannot possibly be emotionally attached to a team like that.

I am very fortunate to have 3 boys (9, 8, and 4), and we are huge sports fans. It is hockey, hockey, hockey here in Toronto, even in the summer. But my youngest, who is 4, doesn't care 1 iota who is going to hoist the cup.

The two oldests play soccer and hockey competitively, and didn't get the concept of rooting teams until they were around 6.

I have a three, almost four, year old, and I can't...

2007-05-24T13:26:00.000-05:00

I have a three, almost four, year old, and I can't imagine losing him. I feel for the Fraser family and pass my condolances.

Still--at the risk of sounding insensitive or callous--there is something that disturbs me about this whole story. A three year old can't care that much about the Stanley Cup . It's an abstraction to a concrete thinker (no offense to three-year olds, but they are concrete thinkers. It's developmental). It's not like a 3-year old has a long history of waiting to see his/her favorite team wins the championship. Most three year olds I know would be more excited about running around chasing other three-year olds.

It bothers me when parents force sports on their children, particularly when the child is too young to make conscious rooting-interest, decisions of his/her own (or sometimes even interests of their own). And this strikes at the core of "Varsity Dad", no?

I felt a little guilty buying my boy an Angels shirt when we went to see an Angels game last week. When he woke up that morning and chose not to wear it, I didn't force it on him. It's his world, his body, his decision. And when he expressed interest in having his own football helmet, I showed him a screen with all the different NFL team helmets and let him choose which one he liked best, rather than me choose my favorite team for him. That's been my philosophy with my boy in all things: try to expose him to as wide a variety of things (not just sports-related), because the world is huge and various, and let him choose the things that excite him. Sometimes it's cool (like when he learns to identify 100 kinds of birds by sight and know many of them by their bird songs); and other times I just shrug and go along (like when he chooses to listen to his Kindermusic CD instead of the Beatles).

My point is this: If parents submerge a 3-year old in their own interests, especially to an obsessive degree, doesn't the child become more of an expression of the parents than a living, choosing, free individual?

Dude, you are brining me down. That is too hardco...

2007-05-24T13:13:00.000-05:00

Dude, you are brining me down. That is too hardcore for even Lifetime. In my opinion, no more 3 year olds dying on this site!!! Please!!! The tears are gumming up my keyboard.

Wow, it's a little dusty in here. What a wonderfu...

2007-05-24T12:29:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's a little dusty in here. What a wonderful story.